Missing Grandma

Five years ago today, we said good-bye to a very special member of our family.  My grandmother (my mom's mom) passed away and went to join my grandfather in God's loving arms.  My grandfather has been gone since December 12, 1990 and my grandmother had been alone for 15 years.  They had been married for 45 years.  Can you imagine being without your other half for that long?  I can not even fathom it, nor do I ever want to. 

Grandma Helen and Grandpa Phil were blessed with 5 children on their farm in Winamac, IN.  They sadly had to learn what it was to lose a son in 1976 to a semi-truck accident.  They loved their children and their 9 grand-children so much and taught us what it meant to work hard.  Grandpa had been in the ARMY and Grandma had been a nurse, both during WWII.  Grandma continued her nursing working as a labor and delivery nurse and then later as a hospice nurse.  She cared greatly for others.

Man, my grandma could COOK too!  Most of my greatest memories of grandma take place in her kitchen.  She made awesome cinnamon rolls, incredible potato soup, amazing Reuben sandwiches (especially at midnight!) and my favorite was her Polish Perogies.  NO ONE makes perogies like grandma did.  Luckily she did teach me how she made them.  Hopefully one day they will be as good as grandma's were.  They were so good and I haven't made any in a while.  I might have to change that very soon!  I remember many visits waking up at midnight and having grandma in the kitchen making rolls for the next morning or frying up a Reuben sandwich for us.

Now, I know grandma wasn't perfect.  Like anyone, she had her good points and not so good points.  But, the woman knew how to love and she loved us all with all over her heart.  She kept us busy (you didn't DARE comment that you were bored in her presence), but was always quick with a smile. 

When she died, we had been waiting for the moment.  I remember my mom calling me and I knew before I even picked up the phone.  I had just left the hospital and came home to make sure L took a nap (she was only about 6 months old).  I picked up the phone and just started crying.  I remember putting L back in the car and heading back to the hospital.  I remember E meeting me at the hospital and hugging me tight.  I remember L having a complete blow-out at the hospital and trying to change her through my tears.  I remember going into her room and holding her hand and just telling her I loved her and would miss her, but that I was so happy she was with Grandpa now.

I have NO DOUBT that Grandma and Grandpa are in God's Kingdom.  They were both strong Catholics and loved God with all of their hearts.  I can easily picture Grandpa meeting her at Peter's Gate with open arms. 

I miss Grandma very much.  And as much as I know how much I miss her, I know my mom misses her even more.  I wish I knew what to say to her.  She seemed so sad when I talked to her yesterday.  She was a little better today, but I know she misses her mama.  I can only imagine how she feels knowing how much I would miss her if she were gone. We both know that grandma is in a wonderful place and is healthy now.  We know she is with her true love again and will be there to welcome us to heaven when our time comes.  We miss you grandma.  God Bless.  We will see you again!

With Love,
Theresa

Loss

Four years ago today, we were forced to say good-bye to my cousin Greg. I miss him so much. He was such a great and funny guy. He was one of the big brothers I never had. Being an only child, I was VERY close to all my cousins, but especially Jennifer, Greg, and Michael. They were the brothers and sister that I always wanted. We played together pretty much every day and I basically lived at their house. We had a wonderful dynamic together. It is really funny. If you look at pictures of the four of us when we were little, we all look the same. The same white blonde hair and sunburns fading into tans because we were outside pretty much 90% of the time. It was so cute.

A couple of weeks ago, Layla fell after jumping on the couch and she hit her head on the coffee table. She was bleeding all over the place and had to go to the doctor to get 3 stitches. As worried as I was about her, I couldn't help but think of when we were little. Jennifer hit me in the head with a baseball bat and I was bleeding everywhere too. On the walk back to the house, Greg came running up and wanted to see my head. God love him, he passed out. Luckily, I faired better than that when I was getting Layla around, but pretty much only because I couldn't help but think about him and was determined to remain conscious.

I have so many other memories of Greg. Many of them make me laugh, some make me cry, and all of them just make me miss him. I get really sad when I realize that the girls will never know him. I know that I talk to Layla about him and will do the same thing with Jillian, but it isn't the same. They will never get to hear his great sense of humor or see what a handsome guy he was. They won't know him like I did and that makes me sad. But, I guess that is what Loss is isn't it? I feel it some everyday; some days are worse than others, some days a lot better, but I feel it every day. Little things make me think of him. I know that it gets better as time goes by, but this day is always hard and I know it always will be. I, of course, remember the day that I lost other loved ones, like my Grandma and Grandpa and my Aunt Edith. And I feel those losses too, but it isn't the same. I think that since we knew those were coming it is different. They were all old and had lived great lives. Greg was so young and his death was so abrupt, that I think we feel it differently. I don't know. I wish I had an easy answer for dealing with death. I don't. I guess all I can do is keep him in my heart, remember the good times, and go on with my life. I will, but I will always keep today to remember him.

Greg, I love you, always will. You weren't just my cousin, but a brother. I will always miss you and will remember you everyday. You were a wonderful man and I am proud to have known you. God Bless you Greg, I love you.