My Dirty Little Christmas Secret!

Yes, I have a Christmas secret! I LOVE cheesy Christmas movies! I'm not talking about ones like "White Christmas" or "Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer" (although I DO love it!) I'm talking about the ones that are especially made for TV like on ABC Family. As I type this I have "Santa Baby 2: Santa Maybe" playing. They just make me laugh and I totally tear up at the inevitable cheesy ending! I may not have much Christmas spirit this year, but those always make me a little Jollier! :) Sometimes don't you just wish life could always have the happy ending! I sure do!
I have so much I want to write about today, but not enough time. I will try and get more time later and hopefully I can write some more!
Love,
Theresa

Snip, Snip, End of the Road

Monday E got the big Snip Snip. He got along just fine, actually better than fine, he really got along great. He didn't have much pain and was back at work today (Thursday). He probably could have gone back yesterday, but the doc said no work until Thursday!

We now have 3 beautiful children. They are wonderful and we love them so much (see previous post!). We do not want to have any more children. If for no other reason, than I am not sure I could handle another pregnancy. My body didn't tolerate M very well at all. I am sure that I do not want any more. So why is there this part of me that is a little sad that I won't have any other babies and will never be pregnant again? Is this a little masochistic? I really have NO desire to be pregnant again and once M is through with the newborn stage, I am done with that too. But, there is just that part. That part that gets a little sad that I will never feel a baby kick me from the inside again. I will never feel him or her get hiccups again. I won't get to drive my friends and family crazy by not finding out the sex of the baby again. I will not get to diaper a baby with those tiny newborn size Pampers again. There is just something there that makes me truly sad. I don't know why. Is that normal? To want (if want is actually the word here) what you can't have?

We put up the Christmas tree this past weekend. It doesn't have a whole lot of ornaments on it as we are chasing J around the house with the few that are on there. I will put up the stockings (as soon as I find them) and the nativity scene. But, I just don't have a whole lot of Christmas spirit this year. One would think that with all that my family has been through this year, I would have Spirit coming out the Yin Yang. But, I don't. I tried listening to Christmas music this evening, and nothing. I don't know if I am just overwhelmed with all that has happened, that it is just too much. I feel really badly about it. The kiddos deserve a great Christmas and M will never have another first one. I just am not feeling it. Any advice???
Love,
Theresa

My Joy

I am a Facebook poster. I have a lot of friends on there and love that I can celebrate or vent as needed. Yesterday was a bad day in our house. Both girls were very difficult and Marshall wouldn't let me put him down without screaming bloody murder. It was a very difficult day. I was in tears half the day and I posted this on Facebook. Well, today I posted that I was determined to have a better day (which so far we have) and a Facebook friend (who shall remain nameless) posted the following:



"...There are alot of times I read ur updates and I feel that way about grown adults.. need a nap, constantly wining, asking the same questions a billion times, and my personal fav is do something to just make u mad cause they can... See this is y i am never having offspring.. I am surrounded by them... sigh..."



This makes me very sad as a mother and makes me doubt how good of a mom I am. Do I really complain about my children that much? I figure I must, which makes me sad. And why do I complain about them that much? I mean, it isn't their fault that they are all under the age of 4!



I hadn't planned on being a parent. To be honest, I hadn't really planned on ever getting married, until I met Eric. When I met him and got to know him though, I KNEW I wanted to marry him and have his children. This is a decision I do not regret at all. I honestly LOVE being a mom! I love that I get to spend my day playing with these 3 wonderful creatures of God. Sure, there are plenty (and I do mean PLENTY) of days that I doubt my abilities as a parent, but I have to believe that GOD would not have given me these lovely gifts if he did not trust and know that I could take care of them. He has made them my JOY. This JOY that fills my heart with a simple smile, an "I Love You", or a hug around the legs. There is no better JOY for me than these children. They help make me the person I am and for that, I am so thankful to God. I love these three children so much and I truly do not know why I complain about them. I guess that is just human nature, to complain about the JOYs we have in life. But, I need to do better. My children are my JOY and I need to share that feeling with the world, not complain about it.



So, thank you my Facebook friend for making me realize how much my children mean to me. Even if you do not want to have children, as that is completely your choice, know that I hope that you find the JOY in your own life. And that you let that JOY fill you up inside.



May you all find your Joy,

God Bless,
Theresa