"I'm a mother, I'm a lover, a chef, a referee. I'm a doctor, and a chauffeur seven days a week. I ain't asking for a medal, yeah I know you work too. I'd just like a little credit where credit is due. It's the hardest gig I've ever known. I work my fingers to the bone. Yeah the dishes and the diapers never stop. Lousy pay, there ain't no 401K. I know this may come as a shock, but this here's a full time job!"--Full Time Job sung by Gretchen Wilson

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Snip, Snip, End of the Road

Monday E got the big Snip Snip. He got along just fine, actually better than fine, he really got along great. He didn't have much pain and was back at work today (Thursday). He probably could have gone back yesterday, but the doc said no work until Thursday!

We now have 3 beautiful children. They are wonderful and we love them so much (see previous post!). We do not want to have any more children. If for no other reason, than I am not sure I could handle another pregnancy. My body didn't tolerate M very well at all. I am sure that I do not want any more. So why is there this part of me that is a little sad that I won't have any other babies and will never be pregnant again? Is this a little masochistic? I really have NO desire to be pregnant again and once M is through with the newborn stage, I am done with that too. But, there is just that part. That part that gets a little sad that I will never feel a baby kick me from the inside again. I will never feel him or her get hiccups again. I won't get to drive my friends and family crazy by not finding out the sex of the baby again. I will not get to diaper a baby with those tiny newborn size Pampers again. There is just something there that makes me truly sad. I don't know why. Is that normal? To want (if want is actually the word here) what you can't have?

We put up the Christmas tree this past weekend. It doesn't have a whole lot of ornaments on it as we are chasing J around the house with the few that are on there. I will put up the stockings (as soon as I find them) and the nativity scene. But, I just don't have a whole lot of Christmas spirit this year. One would think that with all that my family has been through this year, I would have Spirit coming out the Yin Yang. But, I don't. I tried listening to Christmas music this evening, and nothing. I don't know if I am just overwhelmed with all that has happened, that it is just too much. I feel really badly about it. The kiddos deserve a great Christmas and M will never have another first one. I just am not feeling it. Any advice???

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