Isolation

Now that the holidays are over and life is supposed to start calming down, I can reflect on how I am feeling. Honestly? I feel really lonely. I forgot how isolated having a new baby can make you feel. I know that I have friends, but I feel like I have barely seen anyone since Marshall was born, and honestly even before. Don't get me wrong, I will take the blame here, but that doesn't make it any easier. Part of the problem is that most of my closest friends live at least an hour away all the way up to another country completly. I don't blame them, I mean, you go where life takes you. It's just hard to get all three of the kids around a lot to go visit. Especially now that it is winter, the decent days to go visit are few and far between. I know in life, we all go our own way and all my friends have gone their's and I am SO happy for all of them. It just leaves me with a sense of isolation. Does that make sense? I used to go have all sorts of Mom's nights with friends. What happened to those? Maybe we could set one up sometime soon? Bottom line? I miss my friends...all of them.

My Dirty Little Christmas Secret!

Yes, I have a Christmas secret! I LOVE cheesy Christmas movies! I'm not talking about ones like "White Christmas" or "Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer" (although I DO love it!) I'm talking about the ones that are especially made for TV like on ABC Family. As I type this I have "Santa Baby 2: Santa Maybe" playing. They just make me laugh and I totally tear up at the inevitable cheesy ending! I may not have much Christmas spirit this year, but those always make me a little Jollier! :) Sometimes don't you just wish life could always have the happy ending! I sure do!
I have so much I want to write about today, but not enough time. I will try and get more time later and hopefully I can write some more!
Love,
Theresa

Snip, Snip, End of the Road

Monday E got the big Snip Snip. He got along just fine, actually better than fine, he really got along great. He didn't have much pain and was back at work today (Thursday). He probably could have gone back yesterday, but the doc said no work until Thursday!

We now have 3 beautiful children. They are wonderful and we love them so much (see previous post!). We do not want to have any more children. If for no other reason, than I am not sure I could handle another pregnancy. My body didn't tolerate M very well at all. I am sure that I do not want any more. So why is there this part of me that is a little sad that I won't have any other babies and will never be pregnant again? Is this a little masochistic? I really have NO desire to be pregnant again and once M is through with the newborn stage, I am done with that too. But, there is just that part. That part that gets a little sad that I will never feel a baby kick me from the inside again. I will never feel him or her get hiccups again. I won't get to drive my friends and family crazy by not finding out the sex of the baby again. I will not get to diaper a baby with those tiny newborn size Pampers again. There is just something there that makes me truly sad. I don't know why. Is that normal? To want (if want is actually the word here) what you can't have?

We put up the Christmas tree this past weekend. It doesn't have a whole lot of ornaments on it as we are chasing J around the house with the few that are on there. I will put up the stockings (as soon as I find them) and the nativity scene. But, I just don't have a whole lot of Christmas spirit this year. One would think that with all that my family has been through this year, I would have Spirit coming out the Yin Yang. But, I don't. I tried listening to Christmas music this evening, and nothing. I don't know if I am just overwhelmed with all that has happened, that it is just too much. I feel really badly about it. The kiddos deserve a great Christmas and M will never have another first one. I just am not feeling it. Any advice???
Love,
Theresa

My Joy

I am a Facebook poster. I have a lot of friends on there and love that I can celebrate or vent as needed. Yesterday was a bad day in our house. Both girls were very difficult and Marshall wouldn't let me put him down without screaming bloody murder. It was a very difficult day. I was in tears half the day and I posted this on Facebook. Well, today I posted that I was determined to have a better day (which so far we have) and a Facebook friend (who shall remain nameless) posted the following:



"...There are alot of times I read ur updates and I feel that way about grown adults.. need a nap, constantly wining, asking the same questions a billion times, and my personal fav is do something to just make u mad cause they can... See this is y i am never having offspring.. I am surrounded by them... sigh..."



This makes me very sad as a mother and makes me doubt how good of a mom I am. Do I really complain about my children that much? I figure I must, which makes me sad. And why do I complain about them that much? I mean, it isn't their fault that they are all under the age of 4!



I hadn't planned on being a parent. To be honest, I hadn't really planned on ever getting married, until I met Eric. When I met him and got to know him though, I KNEW I wanted to marry him and have his children. This is a decision I do not regret at all. I honestly LOVE being a mom! I love that I get to spend my day playing with these 3 wonderful creatures of God. Sure, there are plenty (and I do mean PLENTY) of days that I doubt my abilities as a parent, but I have to believe that GOD would not have given me these lovely gifts if he did not trust and know that I could take care of them. He has made them my JOY. This JOY that fills my heart with a simple smile, an "I Love You", or a hug around the legs. There is no better JOY for me than these children. They help make me the person I am and for that, I am so thankful to God. I love these three children so much and I truly do not know why I complain about them. I guess that is just human nature, to complain about the JOYs we have in life. But, I need to do better. My children are my JOY and I need to share that feeling with the world, not complain about it.



So, thank you my Facebook friend for making me realize how much my children mean to me. Even if you do not want to have children, as that is completely your choice, know that I hope that you find the JOY in your own life. And that you let that JOY fill you up inside.



May you all find your Joy,

God Bless,
Theresa

To Be A Parent...

Anyone reading this that is a parent...have you ever just looked at your children and felt tears spring to your eyes? It doesn't matter how tired, frustrated, or just sick of it all you are, sometimes, they just make you want to cry with joy that they are yours! Jillian had been screaming since we came home from my MOPS Craft meeting, Layla couldn't decide if she wanted lunch or not and Marshall wanted to eat AGAIN and was crying. I got Jillian down for a nap, Layla chips and salsa (don't ask) and was feeding Marshall when I looked down and him and just felt my eyes tear up. Couldn't help it, almost started sobbing! I guess that is part of being a parent. It doesn't matter HOW crazy they make you, you can't help but love them!

Holy Crap, We Have A Son!!

Yep, you read that right, after 2 beautiful little girls, we have a SON! Marshall George made his appearance into this world on October 26, 2009 at 1:54pm! He was 8 pounds, 15 ounces and 21 inches long! He is a big boy, but not chunky at all, he is really long and lean! He is absolutely beautiful and I spend half the day just staring at him. The girls seem to really like him too, at least they haven't been mean to him yet! :) I'm sure that will come soon.

If you want all the gory details of the birth, here you go. If you don't want to read them, you might want to skip this part, although to be honest, it wasn't all that gory! :)

I was scheduled to be induced at 6:30am on the 26th. Well, by the time they got me into the room and everything, it took a while. My veins suck something awful and after having so many IV's that I have had this pregnancy, the nurses were a little gun shy about messing with them. So, we waited for Dan, who is one of the anesthesiologists. He put in my IV the week before when we thought I might be in labor (but was of course not!). He is SLICK! I didn't even feel it. If you are delivering at Clarion Arnett here in Lafayette, ask for Dan! I didn't feel a thing. He also did the epidural and I didn't feel anything there either! So, it was about 8:30am by the time they started the Pitosin for the induction. The drugs worked pretty quick, but I think it was about 11:30 before I asked or any relief. They gave me a shot of Nubain, but I think that after all of the drugs I have had these past 5 months, it did NOTHING! I got the head rush, but no relief. So, at 12:30pm the nurse checked me and I was at 5 cm, so she grabbed Dan and he came in and put in the epidural. Again, I barely felt anything. He was quick too...he had been heading into a C-section and was trying to fit me in! :) After he was done, he as asking me some questions. It was about 5 minute after the epi was in that my eyes bugged out! He asked, "well, did your water break?" I smiled and said, "Either that or I just wet myself severely!" Sure enough, my water had broken, which was SO weird. I have never had that happen, the doc has always broken it. Weird feeling! Well, about 10 minutes after the epidural was in, I wasn't really feeling the contractions anymore, but felt SO much pressure! It was crazy! Eric and his mom went down stairs to grab a quick lunch and the Doc was next door in the C-Section. My mom sat there and held my hand while I tried to breathe through the contractions. Yeah, the abdomen didn't hurt, but I felt so much pressure in my rear end, I thought, well, I really don't know what I thought, just that it HURT! After about 45 minutes of this, I remember looking at mom and telling her, "Oh My Gosh, I have to push!" She got all serious, and said, "Oh No You DON'T!" and paged the nurse. The nurse came in and checked me and I was past 9 cm., and on my way to 10! She went next door to check where the doc was and he was just finishing up. My mom called Eric and told him he better get back up to the room as it was time! A couple of other nurses came in to help. One of them was one of my sorority sisters Marcia (sorry, I can't remember her last name). She assured me that she had delivered a baby before in case kiddo came fast! Well, everything kind of happened at once! The doctor came in and so did Eric and his mom. The doc checked me out and told me to push! I pushed for about 20 minutes and out he came! He really came out pretty easy. I barely felt him crowning. Well, I felt it, of course I felt it! But, it wasn't as painful as the other 2 were. The worst part were his shoulders because they are really broad. Well, they took care of him and stitched me up (2nd degree tear), but all in all it was seriously a relaxing delivery. Doctor Schaefer just kind of let me push and didn't say much. Once I got over everyone staring at me, all was good! Eric and Mary were huge helps. Mom really just watched, but I think she really appreciated that so she could really watch him being born. Once I quit shaking after the epidural was wearing off, I got to hold him and nurse him. He took to that like a duck to water! He nursed for a long time (and that hasn't changed a bit!). Everyone held him and loved on him. The nurses said he was perfect and that I was an efficient pusher! That made me kinda giggle. I remembered when Jennifer had Dylan that the doc told her that shot put throwers made some of the best pushers. Well, I'm going with that theory! :) Once we got settled in our room, I got a little light headed, but that passed after a bit. It was still just such a shock having a little boy I think!

Changing the boy diapers has been an experience too! I've learned to cover up the penis or risk getting wet, and even that doesn't always work! Dealing with the circumcision has been interesting, but we are getting there. We are all learning as we go I think!

I am so glad that we have a little boy. Don't get me wrong, I would have been perfectly happy with another girl. But I am excited that not only Eric has a son, but my Dad has a Grandson. Being the only kid and being a girl can put some pressure on you and now I am really glad my dad has a boy to love on. That is why his middle name is George, after my dad! My dad started crying when he heard this. We didn't tell him Marshall's name until he got to the hospital. It was one of my greatest joys to hand my dad his grandson and telling him to meet Marshall George! So cute! The name Marshall came from this show that we watch called "How I Met Your Mother!" We have been watching this show for several seasons and I have always liked the name of the character! To make it even more perfect, the characters full name is Marshall Ericson. Too perfect! Marshall is most definitely Eric's Son! :)

As for me, I am feeling really good. One week after Marshall was born I was in a real pair of jeans. They aren't a perfect fit and are probably the ONLY ones I can wear, but who cares! They have a button and a zipper! :) I think I look pretty great after just having a baby. My only problem has been a condition on my hands. It has a big long name, but most people call it PUPS. My hands itched and swelled and hurt. It has really sucked big time! But, the doc put me on steroids and it is helping. My left had is completely better and my right is on its way!

Well, I think that is all. We are all loving the addition to our family. He fits right in! We are complete! I know we may not have planned on the addition of Marshall, but I am SO glad that the good LORD knew better than we did! He is wonderful and we couldn't love him more! Thank you Lord!

Still Here, Going Crazy!

OK, so we are still here, I am still pregnant, and things just keep getting crazier. I am not going to retype everything that I already put on the family blog, so feel free to check it out here.

I go in on Monday to be induced and will be so glad when this pregnancy is over. I am so ready to meet my little one, I can't stand it. We are as ready as we are going to be I think.

I am still coming to terms with the fact that I am going to be a mother to 3 little ones (all under 4!), but am slowly getting there. My family is my joy and I just have to keep remembering that.

So, watch for new pics and new stories as I will be up all night doing night time feedings for the last time (Eric is getting fixed after this kiddo is born!).

Hope you are all well!
Love,
Theresa