The (Wo)Man In The Mirror

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post about making changes in my perspective of the way I see myself.  You can read the post here.  I really had been trying to look at myself differently, but not sure I really was.  Then, two weeks ago, I really gave myself a good shake.  I don't remember what I was wearing, but my wonderful husband told me I looked beautiful.  Then my sweet little J told me, "Mommy, you look so pretty".  How could I ignore those compliments?  So, the next morning before I got dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror.  And I mean REALLY looked at myself.  I looked at my body from the front, side, and back.  I looked at the lovely zit on my chin.  I looked at my eyebrows that are in desperate need of some wax.  I looked at the belly that is covered with stretch marks (aka battle wounds).  Then I started to notice other things.  I looked at my muscled quads.  I looked at my bright eyes.  I saw the definition that my arms have.  I looked at my self from the side and realized there is a lot less there.  I saw that my hips are not as "cushy" as they used to be.  I REALLY looked at myself.

And, in that moment, I realized something.  I really do not look bad.  I don't.  For almost 20 years, I have looked down on myself.  I have thought badly about myself.  I have compared myself to other women and always found myself coming up short.  No longer.  As I looked at myself, I came to the realization that all the stress about how I looked was just continually making me stress even more about it.  My husband thinks I'm beautiful.  My daughter thinks I am pretty.  What else do I need?  I have come to the decision that I am simply going to rock what I've got.  Sure, I would still like to lose a little more weight and tone up some areas, but I am no longer going to let this action of putting myself down rule my thoughts anymore.  I have to tell you.  For the past two weeks, I have felt like I have had a one hundred pound weight lifted off of my shoulders and my heart.  I am seeing myself differently.  I am seeing myself clearly.

I'd like to think that part of my new thinking is my re-found relationship with God.  I know that he loves me and cares about me, no matter what I look like.  I would like to think I am FINALLY seeing myself through His eyes.  Now, I know I am not perfect and that I will surely have days where I will get down on myself and start to feel negative again.  But, I vow that I will NOT let that way of thinking rule me.  I will OWN who I am.  Again, I will "ROCK WHAT I'VE GOT"!!  How about you?  Can you look at yourself honestly and see yourself for who you REALLY are and not who your negative thinking THINKS you are?

Have a great day!
With Love!

Moved

Today is Good Friday and although I have been through 31 Lenten seasons in my life, I don't think that I have ever felt quite so moved as I did today during Mass.  This entire Lenten season has really gotten to me like no other has, but today was even more so.  It really started with the opening song.  We sang "The Old Rugged Cross" and I really listened to the words as I sang it and really felt it.  Then the Gospel reading of the Passion of Christ was just absolutely haunting and beautiful at the same time.  It was "The Passion Of Our Lord Jesus Christ according to John".  Towards the end of the reading, John tells of how Jesus looked at his mother Mary as he hung on the cross and said, "Woman, behold, your son".  Father's Homily then went on to discuss how he really likes this version of the Passion because it shows Jesus as a real person with a real Mother who had to watch him be scourged and beaten and abused and then hung on the cross to die.  I don't know why, but I have never really thought of it that way before.  As a parent, it made me really understand what Mary may have been thinking as she saw her son dying there.  I pray to the Lord that I never have to know that pain of watching my child suffer in any way.  Needless to say, I was in tears, which may not have been a big deal, but remember I sing in the choir, so I sit at the very front of the church.  Oh well, hopefully I was not alone.  It got worse during the Veneration of the Cross when I went up and kissed Jesus's feet on the cross.  But, I found they were tears of sadness and pain, but also of comfort.  I've known that Jesus died for my sins and I have believed that.  But this year, I truly FEEL that.  I am so grateful for the gift of grace that Jesus bestowed upon me when he died.  I thank you Lord and pray that I can live in your word and teach my children with the grace that you have given me.

With Love

Getting To Know You Sunday!

Happy Sunday!!  It has been a very busy day here in the our household.  I got up early and did Day 2 of 30 Day Shred (read about my challenge to myself here) and then got the kiddos around with breakfast and everything.  Then got ready and went to church.  L had Sunday school and I had to rehearse what I was singing for mass.  Mass was excellent.  Our priest really is inspiring.  This morning, the gospel was about Lazarus and Father talked about death and funerals.  I know his words were much better, but to sum up a point that he made that really spoke to me was this:  To live a happy life, look at your life backwards starting with your funeral. Who do you want there? What do you want to happen? How do you want to be remembered? Live your life accordingly!  It really made me think.  Am I living life how I want to end it?  I have an amazing husband and three beautiful children.  I have a wonderful family and incredible friends.  I like to think that when it is my time, people will remember me fondly.  They will remember that I am kind, I love to laugh and will start singing spontaneously.  I hope that they will know that I am always there to lend a helping hand when I can.  I know they will remember that I will and do knit just about everywhere and I'm sure some will find that funny.  I pray that they will know and remember that I tried to be the best Christian I could be.  I am not always perfect in that endeavor and it has taken me some time to find my way back to church, but I have always known that God was there waiting for me.  I hope no one has to find out any of this anytime soon and that I have a long time left on this earth, but I like to think I am happy and that when my time comes, that will be evident.

Today we went to the Purdue University Spring Fest/Bug Bowl.  What an experience!!  I never got to go when I was in college because I seemed to always have a different commitment that weekend.  We went with some friends and really had a fun time.  L "learned" how to rope a cow and rode a peddle tractor, we watched a cricket spitting contest (Our friend Matt spit one over 40 feet!!), M LOVED his balloon and kept trying to catch it, and we even got to see a rocket launched!  For me one of the biggest things though was J.  She has in the past been TERRIFIED of animals.  She would see a dog or cat and absolutely start shaking and crying.  At my parent's house with the horses, she was scared to go out to the barn.  She did better last time we were there and actually sat in the saddle atop one of the horses.  Well at the Spring Fest, she pet 2 dogs, 3 bunnies, and a piglet!!  She wanted to pet the sheep too (as did mommy), but couldn't get to them.  Every animal she saw she wanted to pet. She really loved the bunnies and REALLY wanted to pet the 2 week old lamb. It made me SO happy to see her starting to get over this fear.  The only thing that bummed me out was the garbage can full of wool that they had thrown away after they did a shearing of a sheep.  I almost cried at all that wool in the trash.  What a waste!!

OK, so now onto Getting To Know You Sunday!  If you would like to participate, go over to MannLand5 and get the questions and link up!  Leave me a link below in the comments too so I make sure I check you out!





1. Do you watch/read the news?  Sometimes.  I try and catch the 12 o'clock and the 5 o'clock news if I can.  It isn't always possible, but I try.  If something comes up on my MSN homepage that looks readworthy, I will read it.  I usually have E keep me informed about the world news that I need to keep up on.  No, not the most socially responsible way to get my news, but at least I am getting it!


2. How would you describe your "look"?  Ha!  This makes me laugh a little.  I don't know that I really have a "look" really.  I really don't care what is "in style" right now.  I wear what is comfy to me.  I see some styles and I like them so I will go with them.  If I don't like them, I don't wear them.  Skinny jeans took me a while to come around to, and I don't wear them that often, but I do like them.  A lot of it depends on what I am doing as well.  Most often you can find me in workout gear with a bandanna in my hair and sneakers on my feet.  If it is something that I get to dress up a little more, I do like to be a little funky, maybe pairing things that other people wouldn't think of.  My friend Casey says I have style, so maybe I do.  But, it is my style, not what Cosmo says I should wear!

3. Did you play sports in high school or college?  I did play sports in High School.  I played volleyball, basketball, and I threw shotput and discus in track.  I LOVED playing sports and am so excited that L is starting soccer!!  I am super competitive about it though and struggle already to remember that she is only 5.  I would have loved to play volleyball in college (and actually had some interest from some schools), but I wanted to sing at Purdue, so I became a Purduette instead!

4. Would you rather give up lipstick/gloss or high heels?  I'd give up lipstick/gloss in an instant over my heels.  I will never get rid of them.  I will be the stooped over 80 year old tottering around in heels, I guarantee it!  I love my heels.  I may be 6 feet tall, but I married a 6 foot 5 man for a reason!!  Love them, love them, love them!!  Besides, I have zero arch in my feet and wearing heels pulls my arch up and makes wearing shoes much more comfortable than just a pair of flats.

5. What's your favorite show to watch on TV?  I don't even know where to begin with this list!!  I don't think I can narrow it down to just one, so how about my top 5?  I love LEVERAGE, True Blood, Sons Of Anarchy, Army Wives, and Modern Family.  Seriously this list could go on a lot longer!!  I do not do reality shows except The Biggest Loser though.

6. Would you rather bake or cook?  I absolutely LOVE to bake.  I really like to cook too.  I don't bake a whole lot though because then I have the baked goods here at the house and I just want to eat them which doesn't really aid in the weight loss progress.  I just wish I could have someone else clean up the mess.

7. Shorts or skirts?  Skirts.  I do not like to wear shorts and it is a rare occasion for me to be found in them.  I'll wear skirts over them every time.  In fact, I actually only own 3 pairs of shorts and they are all gym shorts, one for occasionally working out in and 2 for wearing around the house. 

8. What's your favorite scary movie?  Scary movie or horror movie?  I think they are two different things.  I do not like horror movies.  You know the kind I mean, where someone is always chopping up someone else.  There is always that madman (or woman) like in Friday the 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or Halloween.  I just don't dig those, well with the exception of the Scream series, those I like.  Now scary movies are different to me.  Scary movies can be thrilling without being terrifying or vomit inducing!  I LOVE vampire and werewolf movies (and I'm not just talking Twilight here people!).  I like murder mystery type movies too. But my favorite scary movie?  Hmm...Silence Of The Lambs!! 

Well, that is it for me today.  I hope you have a wonderful rest of your weekend!!
With Love!

I'm Here, I Promise!

So, I have been TRYING to blog every couple of days, really I have! But I have been having computer and phone issues and it just hasn't happened. I apologize. Hopefully it will all smooth out! So, wondering what has been going on?

Well, my first cantoring experience was AWESOME!! I loved it! I'm really just so happy that I did it. I just felt like it was what I needed to be doing. I received a lot of compliments too, which I have to admit made me feel pretty awesome, although I completely realize that is NOT the point! At the end of mass, Father told everyone to go in peace, I started announcing the closing song, and he realized he had forgotten something, so he had to interrupt me. But, no biggie, everyone laughed and we went on. It was an experience though that I will most definitely repeat!

We got a lot of snow this week. L actually had her first snow day on Tuesday which she was SO NOT HAPPY ABOUT! We stayed in and watched a movie and had popcorn. It was fun! We are supposed to get more snow this weekend. I went and bought a pair of snow boots. I have not had snow boots in SO long, so long in fact I don't remember when I last had a pair. They are pretty heavy but are warm and fuzzy. I think I like them. Come on, they are shoes, of course I like them!

Right now I am trying to get the house in order for the family get together tomorrow. Technically it is supposed to be pretty low key, but I still worry about the chaos in my house. I really don't know how my aunt Terri did it when we were growing up. She had 3 kids in the house that were hers, and me there pretty much 24/7 and her house was ALWAYS SPOTLESS!!! I wish I could hire her to come and just keep my house clean! :) But, alas, that is not possible. So, I'm going to get busy again and try and get my house to look as good as possible. Hopefully no one will judge me and we can just have a great time!

I hope you are all having a great day!!
With love,
Theresa

Leap Of Faith

Wednesday evening, I took a very big leap in my faith. Back in September, I joined the choir at my church. I started going to canto practice a couple of months ago, but wasn't really ready to be a cantor yet. I firmly believe that if you are a leader in church (a lector, Eucharistic minister, cantor, etc) then you should have a firm grasp on where you are in your faith. Now, not completed in your journey, because I don't think we ever actually do that, but just a good idea of what you believe, why you believe it, and where to progress. I'm not sure I am quite there. I had been away from the church for awhile, but since being back, I am really starting to "get it". L asks questions and I feel like I am a little better equipped to answer them. She started going to Sunday School this fall and her Pre-school is faith based, so she is learning so much. I wanted to be able to keep up. But, I haven't really been sure I was ready to cantor yet. Wednesday night, our choir director realized she had no cantor for Sunday morning mass. Something inside me volunteered. I'm not even really sure where it came from, I just found myself saying, "I'll do it!" So, I am preparing. I am nervous. Not really nervous about the singing part, but the timing and the leading. I was telling my mom this and she told me she felt the exact same way when she became a Eucharistic minister. She discussed this with the Sister at church. Sister told her that it was better to be humbled by the experience than to feel that you deserve it. So, I am extremely humbled to become a cantor. I just pray that I can praise God in the best way possible with this voice he gave me. I have to admit, I may be extremely nervous, but I am super excited too!!!

I want to remember those that aren't with us anymore!!! We love you and miss you!
With Love,
Theresa