Loss

Four years ago today, we were forced to say good-bye to my cousin Greg. I miss him so much. He was such a great and funny guy. He was one of the big brothers I never had. Being an only child, I was VERY close to all my cousins, but especially Jennifer, Greg, and Michael. They were the brothers and sister that I always wanted. We played together pretty much every day and I basically lived at their house. We had a wonderful dynamic together. It is really funny. If you look at pictures of the four of us when we were little, we all look the same. The same white blonde hair and sunburns fading into tans because we were outside pretty much 90% of the time. It was so cute.

A couple of weeks ago, Layla fell after jumping on the couch and she hit her head on the coffee table. She was bleeding all over the place and had to go to the doctor to get 3 stitches. As worried as I was about her, I couldn't help but think of when we were little. Jennifer hit me in the head with a baseball bat and I was bleeding everywhere too. On the walk back to the house, Greg came running up and wanted to see my head. God love him, he passed out. Luckily, I faired better than that when I was getting Layla around, but pretty much only because I couldn't help but think about him and was determined to remain conscious.

I have so many other memories of Greg. Many of them make me laugh, some make me cry, and all of them just make me miss him. I get really sad when I realize that the girls will never know him. I know that I talk to Layla about him and will do the same thing with Jillian, but it isn't the same. They will never get to hear his great sense of humor or see what a handsome guy he was. They won't know him like I did and that makes me sad. But, I guess that is what Loss is isn't it? I feel it some everyday; some days are worse than others, some days a lot better, but I feel it every day. Little things make me think of him. I know that it gets better as time goes by, but this day is always hard and I know it always will be. I, of course, remember the day that I lost other loved ones, like my Grandma and Grandpa and my Aunt Edith. And I feel those losses too, but it isn't the same. I think that since we knew those were coming it is different. They were all old and had lived great lives. Greg was so young and his death was so abrupt, that I think we feel it differently. I don't know. I wish I had an easy answer for dealing with death. I don't. I guess all I can do is keep him in my heart, remember the good times, and go on with my life. I will, but I will always keep today to remember him.

Greg, I love you, always will. You weren't just my cousin, but a brother. I will always miss you and will remember you everyday. You were a wonderful man and I am proud to have known you. God Bless you Greg, I love you.